Bonus Scene 4: Dorkness RisingZexy knocked on Maniacal Engineer's front door. Receiving no response, aside from some clattering deep within the domicile, he let himself in using the spare key under the Dalek garden ornament.
As he walked in, the crashing intensified. Concerned, he went into ME's kitchen, where he found the soon-to-be Section Head crumpled on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles of New Glarus beer. Completely drunk, he was staring at his refrigerator in awe, a half-empty beer bottle clutched in his left hand.
"The fruits," he was saying, "they're fighting the vegetables again."
Before Zexy could ask for clarification on the madman's strange statement, said madman burst into uncontrollable laughter, slopping some of the beer on his shirt.
Concerned, Zexy pried the potent potable away from his future boss, who glared at him.
"And who invited you?" he asked.
"Nobody," said the Greek Mod, "but I was concerned because I heard loud crashing coming from your apartment."
"Oh that," said ME, shrugging, "I was just composing my speech for tomorrow."
Zexy glanced around skeptically at all the empty beer bottles.
"And what are you writing it on?" he inquired.
"Not writing," corrected the maniac, whispering conspiratorially, "composing. In here."
The madman pointed to his own head.
"Riiiiight," said Zexy, sarcastically, "let's get you sober and cleaned up. You don't want to look like a mess tomorrow, nor do you want a hangover."
"Spoilsport," groused ME, as Zexy picked up all of the empty bottles.
As Zexy was engaged in that menial task, Engie crawled over to his fridge and pulled out another beer, which he gulped down before Zexy could protest, and reached for another.
The Greek Mod slammed the door shut, before ME could grab another beverage.
"Lemme 'lone!" slurred the engineer, drunkenly, tossing the empty bottle in Zexy's direction.
Fortunately, since he was so drunk, his aim was off, and the bottle impacted on the wall, shattering into many sharp pieces.
The loud crash startled ME, who promptly collapsed into a heap again. With Zexy supporting him, Engie managed to stand up and stagger into his bedroom, where he fell face first onto his bed, still in his work clothes, and began snoring loudly.
Sighing, Zexy returned to the kitchen, where he pulled out a broom and dustpan and swept up the shards of glass and cleaned up the remaining beer bottles.
He had just finished, when he heard a loud thud coming from ME's bedroom. Worried, the wannabe engineer ran in to find Maniacal Engineer sleepwalking. He had banged into his dresser, which had caused the noise and toppled a pile of freshly cleaned clothes onto the floor.
As Zexy picked up and refolded the clothes, ME escaped from his room, still sleepwalking, and fell down the basement steps, breaking the banister and light fixture on his way down. As Zexy charged over to the front hall, he found ME sound asleep at the foot of the stairs, still snoring, and the banister in splinters and the light fixture bent and the bulbs smashed.
Exasperated, Zexy once again guided ME into his room, where he deposited him onto his bed.
He then took out the broom and dustpan, and swept up all the glass shards and larger splinters, and vacuumed up the remaining sawdust. He then finished folding and stacking the clothes on top of ME's dresser.
Not wanting to leave the madman alone in his current state, Zexy crashed on ME's futon that night, getting only a few hours of sleep in, due to ME's loud snoring.
The following morning, ME awoke to the sound of his alarm. He got up, showered, and walked into his living room intent on making breakfast.
He was startled to find Zexy curled up on his futon with a the cushions folded against his ears, as well as his banister and light fixture by the basement staircase broken.
Shrugging, ME went into his kitchen and became making pancakes.
Zexy was awakened by the aroma of the pancakes, and stumbled into the kitchen, where his host had a large stack of flapjacks in front of him, and another large stack of flapjacks set up for Zexy.
"Good morning!" said the engineer, cheerfully.
Zexy grumbled out a good morning and inquired about coffee.
"Never drink the stuff," said ME, shaking his head, "bad for my stomach."
ME and Zexy sat in silence for a few moments, eating the pancakes, before ME abruptly stopped, fork part of the way toward his mouth.
"Sorry for asking, but what, exactly, are you doing here?" asked the mad scientist.
"...do you not remember last night at all?" queried Zexy, curiously.
"I most certainly do," exclaimed ME, affronted, "I remember the speech I composed for my upcoming promotion."
Zexy facepalmed and the subject was dropped.
After finishing their flapjacks, ME drove Zexy home and headed over to the Town Hall, where he was greeted by the Head Administrator herself, Shiny Celebi, who had arrived with TM28 to oversee and conduct the promotion ceremony.
Shortly thereafter, the other F&G staff members, including Zexy who had changed and was toting a large coffee, also arrived, and the group took their positions on the stage.
At precisely 9:30, the front doors opened, and the regular users began filing in, chatting amongst themselves. Some were excited about the assembly, others were apprehensive, and still others were angry.
At 10:00, Shiny Celebi stepped up to the podium.
"Your attention, please," said the Head Administrator, silencing the murmurs in the crowd, "as you all know, a few days ago, Enzap, the former Section Head of the Fun and Games section, was caught trolling and was banned. Since then the spambot attacks on regular users have not stopped, and, unfortunately, Fun and Games is without a leader."
The assembled users nodded and once again began whispering to each other.
"To that end," continued SC, "the Fun and Games staff members, as well as the administrators have decided on a new Section Head, who will help guide us back to better times."
More mumbling occurred in the crowd, as the users wondered who had been nominated. The admin turned to look behind her, where the other staff members were seated.
"Maniacal Engineer, please step forward," she said.
The mad scientist arose to thundering applause, as he walked over to the Head Administrator. TM28 joined them, holding a copy of the Bulbagarden Forum rules.
"Place your right hand here," said TM28, instructing ME to lay his hand on the rulebook.
ME complied.
"Do you solemnly swear to uphold the rules of Bulbagarden, and to care for and protect the users and your fellow staff members of Bulbagarden so help you Lord Helix?"
"I do," affirmed ME.
"Then by the will of Archaic, the gaze of Arceus, and the wisdom of the Helix , I now hereby officially promote you to Section Head of the Fun and Games section, as well as to the rank of Super Moderator."
TM28 took off ME's Moderator badge, and replaced it with the Super Moderator badge, and also pinned on the Section Head badge.
"Congratulations," said the admin, smiling.
Newly emboldened, ME stepped up to the podium, as the admins sat down.
"My friends," he said, glancing around the room at the eager, amused, anxious, and angry faces, "I know that this has been a difficult time for all of us. It seems like the Trolls are unstoppable, and Enzap's betrayal has hit all of us hard. Enzap was my friend, my mentor, and one of the very few people that I looked up to, but he took that trust, and he took that friendship, and he threw it all away, and that hurts. A lot."
He sighed and gazed into the crowd.
"I'll be honest with you all, I did not want this job," continued the madman, "but I accepted the promotion, not for myself, but for all of you. At times like this, people look to their leaders for guidance and for support, and I promise you all that I will dedicate all of my new power, all of my cunning, and all of my technological terrors toward stopping these attacks and banning the Trolls once and for all. And I will not rest until those users who were attacked by the spambots have been brought back and restored to us."
He paused for a moment, his words hanging in the air briefly.
"They say that great men are forged by fire, and I was forged in the great Flame Wars at the dawn of the Internet. I was a Troll for many years, even on this forum for a while. My regret for all the terrible things that I have done is sincere and heartfelt, and I will not let the Trolls come along and ruin this wonderful forum. We should all be proud of the Fun and Games section. It was a place where anybody could come, relax, and have a good time. My goal is straightforward. I will restore the Fun and Games section to its former glory, before these insidious attacks began, and I will find who's responsible for committing them, and, believe me, they will burn."
The crowd erupted into applause at the new Section Head's words of comfort, sympathy, encouragement, and remorse. Meanwhile, Zexy, still sitting on the stage with the other staff members, was stunned.
"I'll be damned," he thought, noticing how ME wasn't reading from a script or a teleprompter, "he really was composing a speech last night."
ME raised his hand in acknowledgement of the applause, and, immediately, silence reigned.
"There is much work to be done," he concluded, "and so I will get right to it."
With that, Maniacal Engineer turned around 180 degrees and walked out of the room.
Following the Super Mod's lead, the other staff members departed, and the regular users began filing out, all while chatting among themselves at the latest developments.
Sitting in his office at the top of the Troll Tower, jackatlasred was watching a recap of the promotion ceremony, a bowl of spam on his lap that he would occasionally munch from.
"I will find who's responsible for committing them, and, believe me, they will burn," said ME's image on the main screen.
jack laughed darkly.
"You know, ME, I almost believe you," he said, "almost."
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